A friend of mine started her own list of movies that she has thus far watched for this year.  The goal is to see how many movies she'll watch during the course of 2009 and if she can reach 100 films by year's end.  That sounds like a swell idea so I'm gonna do the same.

So, I'm gonna start a list of every movie I watch this year.  To keep it fair I won't include TV shows on dvd (because, as many of you know, I'm watching Star Trek right now and since there are a shit load of disc, the list would fill up rather quickly).  Instead, I'll only keep it to movies, either on dvd or in the theaters, that I had never watched before.  So, obviously, that means you won't be seeing Empire Records which I've seen for a bazillion times.

I'm going to keep this at the top of my page so that it will forever be present.  Lord knows if I get it lost within the confines of the my blog, I'll just end up forgettting it's there and this exercise will be for naught.

Also, I'm going to include a 5 star rating system to let you know what I thought of it.  
    5 STARS - life changing.  I love this movie.
    4 STARS - an excellent film.  Highly recommended
    3 STARS - Competent film.  Neither good nor bad.
    2 STARS - More bad than good but still had something one can appreciate
    1 STAR - Ugh.  Not pretty at all
    NO STARS - ACK!!!! Mine eyes!!!!  It Burns!!!!

I wonder how many films I'll see by the end of this little experiment.

( And now, THE LIST )

It's odd for me to make such a statement. I whole-heartedly believe that there is a power that can be utilized though the media for whatever purpose. But there are just some times when television is dangerous. Dangerous to me.

What is it about tv... or movies... or whatever media... that we latch ourselves to? In a superficial way, it's because its fun. It's escapism. A guy flying through the air and dodging 14 million bullets all while eating a sandwich and ironing his 3-piece suit is fucking sweet. But what about those other films or shows or books or whatever? The quiet ones that aren't so bombastic.

I've fallen in love with GLEE and I hate myself for it. Because I see it like DAWSON'S CREEK all over again. I'm finding myself in those ficitional characters. Aspects of myself are reflected on the screen and I see what they are going through and I think to myself "Damn that's me".

Or, when I watch the movie CAN'T HARDLY WAIT and I see myself in the main character and I keep hoping "why can't that be me?"

Why do we like what we like? It's because we sometimes see a bit of ourselves in those characters. And I find myself wanting for that... that fictional life on the screen. And I hate myself for it because seeing that on the screen is a reminder that there's something in me that I'm missing and I'm not quite sure what it is...

ARGH!!!! I really need to stop watching tv so late and just go to bed.

Or maybe just get laid.

It's 3 a.m.  I'm up right now and I'm actually not waiting for the virus scan to do it's thing.  I'm actually using the laptop my sister gave me and I'm writing from the comforts of my own bedroom.

But despite that, I really dont' feel like writing anything.  I don't feel like drawing anything either. In fact, I don' t feel like doing much right now.

I've been in one of those moods lately.  You know... the one where it feels like you're alone even though you're in a room full of people?  It's just... I don't know.

I've been working too much lately.  Ever since I took over my new store, I just feel like work has consumed me.  And I think, the worse feeling is that I don't feel like I've accomplished anything.  I've been at the store for about a month and the numbers are suffering because of it.  Where that store stood strongly on top of things, since I've been there, things have taken a turn in the opposite direction. 

But it's not just work.  The reality is that I've been using work as an excuse to close myself off.  I'm not going out or hanging out because I'm tired.  Really?  That's my reason?  I've been tired before but it's never stopped me in the past.  Yet here I am avoiding going out.

I came to this realization a few days ago.  I need to really start going out me.  Hanging out with my friends.  There are so many of you that I've been neglecting.  I told myself that I need to start going out more and taking charge of my happiness.  I need to put myself out there.  And yet, no sooner that I make the decision and realization, I up and avoid everyone.

Did you know I had the opportunity to hang out a two different functions last night for halloween and yet I didn't.  Instead, I went to the movies by myself.  Then spent the rest of evening by myself.

I want to be happy.... I really do. I just can't bring myself to do it.

So starting next week, I will be moving to a new store.  Yeah... that was quick.  Not more than 4 months into my stint in my first store, my District Manager has asked me to move to a new location.  And to be honest, I'm not necessarily excited about it.

You see, I just got use to my current store.  I'm neurotic enough as it is and, well, it too me this long just to feel like I was making a difference.  Christmas is coming up in 2 months and since this is my first store, I wanted to be with people I was familar with.  And since I'm not going back to my first store as an assistant manager, my current store would have been ideal.  I knew what to expect from my people... I knew who I could rely on and their strengths/weaknesses.  But going to a new store?  So close to Christmas?  While I have no doubt that they will do well, I'm going to have to relearn everything... the dynamic of the store... the customers...my people... everything!  Ugh.

My greatest fear is that I'll somehow fuck things up.  The manager that's leaving really turned that store around and it has been doing INSANELY well.  I'm afraid of fucking that up.  Yeah, I'm neurotic but I can't but feel like maybe I'll mess things up somehow.

I know that's not logical on my part.

I do know that, well, at least the move to a new store has nothing to do with me, per se.  They're moving people around because another manager was underperforming at their store and they felt that they needed to put them somewhere that was a low volume.  Well, that store was mine.  So because of someone else, I'm taking part in musical chairs. 

At least it had nothing to do with me.

So hopefully I won't mess things up too much.  Hopefully I can make thing work at this new store.  Hopefully the store will do well with me.

So what to do on a day off....

After running some errands I decided to take a detour and visit a place I haven't in years.  No no... get your minds out of the gutter.  Those are scheduled for every third tuesday and I always get the rub and tug... wait... what were we talking about?  Oh yeah.

So anyway, I made my way down to that giant golf dome we all know and love yet somehow don't know what it's actually called.  Yes, I went to "Butterflies".  Actually the place is called Top Flite... but for some reason, everyone seems to know it as Butterflies.  And what's funny, I have no idea why I know it as Butterflies, either.  I mean, it's been Butterflies for as long as I've know it... but the reality is, was it ever really called Butterflies?

Anyway, being there just reminds me how much I miss the days of the real Arcade.  No... not like Dave & Busters or Gameworks.  I mean the real arcades.  The grungy... smokey... poorly lit establishments where you're more inclined to get an std by playing one of the games than you are from the questionable patrons that frequent the joint.  Well, Butterflies is no different.  But I still enjoyed it.  There's something about seeing a bunch of old arcade games that you haven't seen in years.  Most of them have screens so bad... the contrast is wrong... or it has such a horrible burn-in... that I wonder how anyone can play the game.  Yet surprisingly, the controls still work (just make sure you have hand sanitizer with you.  Trust me, you'll probably need it.  The damn things are so grimy, I'm sure you'll get athlete's foot... on your hands... by touching the cabinets).

But playing the games made me realize how much I miss those old games.  And... well... some of those games have not aged well.  Did we really love those games?  Were they really that good?  I could have sworn that Killer Instinct played better than it did... oh... and those graphics?  Those were cutting edge back in the day?  Wow! 




If there is one thing that I really miss about the "real" arcades, though, it's the pinball machines.  Now, I've never been great at them.  I'm no Tommy at all...  I had no idea that there was a goal outside of just getting the most points you can get while keeping your ball alive.  Who knew.  Anyway, despite the lack of new arcade games, Butterflies has, surprisingly, maintained their pinball collection.  I had no idea that they were still making pinball machines.  Yet they had one for the most recent Batman movie... the tv show 24... and even a CSI machine.  Wow.

But really, the only reason why I went to Butterflies was to see if they still had my all time favorite "puzzle" game, BATTLE BALLS. (typing that just seems so obscene).  Folks who went to Wayne State when I did might remember the game in the Student Center.   And luckily, there it was.  Still working... and still fun as hell.  (Learn about it here:  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senkyu) .  If every I become rich... that is the one arcade cabinet that I will track down and buy.  Unfortunately, they never released the game on any console here in the states and they've only released one version of the game on the original Playstation in Japan.  The closest I've ever gotten to playing the game outside of the arcades here in the states is on the game Puyo Pop (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puyo_Puyo).  It's just not the same though.

I think, when my schedule clears up, I'm gonna take a bottle of hand sanitizer, and go over to Butterflies and play a few more classics.  Anyone want to join?

My intention was to do a movie review or two but that hasn't happened.  Maybe on my train ride into Chicago.

But in other news...

Okay... I'll admit.  My taste in music is rather shoddy.  After 9 years working at a music store, you sort of get forced into having to know what the flavor of day is so my musical tastes sort of became "whatever's popular on the radio this week."  Which is why I hate the idea that they don't make single cds anymore.  Oh well, that's what itunes is for, right?

But even I know bad music when I hear it and well, let's be honest... while sonically interesting, most music today is totally vapid.  No substance whatsoever.  Hell... look at any recent hip hop/rap release in recent times just to see the decline in quality.

Which is why I shake my head at myself as I caved in and bought....

LADY GAGA's album.

Dammit... the music is so not good.....

But why is it so damn catchy.

It's a good thing I have no credibilty in music or I would have lost any right there.

Woh.  It's been awhile since I've done a movie review.  A quick look back and it looks like, despite the fact that I've seen other movies since, the last movie I reviewed was last years THE DARK KNIGHT.  Wow... that's a lot of promised reviews that never materialized.  Despite how busy I've become, I'm going to try and keep up.

So... let's get down to business.

What to say about TRANSFORMERS 2... Well, it had action.

( How do I feel about Transformers 2? Read on... )

So here I am again.  I should be a sleep but instead I'm waiting for my virus scan to run it's course.  A part of me wants to just say "fuck it" and turn the computer off and go to bed.  But another part of me wants me to commit to sitting here and writing.

According to the handy dandy guilt lister, It's been about 6 weeks since I last wrote something substantial on my blog.  Apparently updating my running list of movies watched this year doesn't count (I'm up to 37 so far.  Far below what I expected to be.  I need to ramp up my movie watching).

I had reviews for Wolverine and Star Trek in mind but now the moment has passed.  Maybe I'll revisit them when the inevitable blu-ray comes out.

As it is, an update:

We are now on the tail end of my first 2 months as Store Manager of my own store.  I wish I could say that it's been an invigorating and changing experience... but it hasn't.  I feels like the same thing... just a longer drive.

That's a lie.  Of course things are different.  The overall responsibilities are different.  And I'm grateful for the opportunity.  But really... let's not sugarcoat things.  The problem is I did so much as an Assistant Manager that there really isn't much different  now that I'm Manager.  I really set the bar too high on that one : )

I've had the chance to get to know my staff better (why does that sound like a double entendre?  Naughty naughty).  Overall, it's us against some rather crappy circumstances.  My store is in a crap location.  No one knows we exist.  Everyone goes up to the other store that's more visible.  How we manage to stay afloat is beyond me.  But my people make the best out of it.  No, we don't post fantastic numbers... but considering the situation, I'm surprised they're not worse.  It's frustrating, though because, while me and my staff can teach a person how to use our registers, it's another thing to try and develop their money handling skills.  I see way too many instances were they are easily distracted or confused... they forget to give back something, to bag something, or to offer one of multitude of add-ons we're required to suggest.  I've taken for granted my many years of doing this... I think running a register is easy.  A short register at the end of the night tells me otherwise.

I do think I've set some expectations rather high.  While I never claim to be a fantastic Assistant, I played my role as though I complimented my Manager.  It's not that she didn't think about something... it's that I've already thought about it and went ahead and did it.  It wasn't me trying to overachieve... I was just doing my job.  But I don't have the luxury.  We don't have the payroll to have full-time assistant so I'm relying on my 3rd key holder (just a step under Assistant).  I'm hoping that one of them steps up soon.

Being away from the mall for 3 years, I've forgotten how... odd... people at the mall are.  Really?  Is it that hard to believe that I need to see a driver's license when buying a Mature rated game?  Why are you getting mad at me?  Just show me the damn piece of plastic!  Don't get mad at me because you don't have your ID!  What the hell are you doing out of your house WITHOUT a freakin' ID?  If you can't be responsible enough to have an ID then  you're not responsible enough to be playing an M rated game.

And why the hell are you stealing my empty video game cases?  BASTARDS.  Don't get mad at me because you want to buy my last copy of a game but it doesn't have an original case.  Talk to the asshole who thought he/she was getting away with a prize.

Why, oh why, are you walking into my store... first thing in the morning... and act surprise when I don't have money to do a $150 dollar return?  IDIOT!!! YOU JUST SAW ME OPEN THE FUCKING GATES!  What makes you think that I've done any transactions amounting to that amount in the 3 seconds it took to open up my gates?

I swear... it's no wonder people buy guns and watchtowers (a location as oppose to the Jehovah's Witness's magazine).

I promise.  I'll write in here more.  Really.

How bad is this...  I'm sitting in front of my computer with the intention of writing a review for Wolverine and Star Trek and yet... I'm updating my ipod instead.  Damn... I'm such a lazy bum.

Anyone that has been following my Facebook updates knows that some major changes have taken place recently.  No, I don't mean that I hit puberty.  No, I didn't change four quarters into a dollar bill.  I mean real, substantial change.

I've been given my own store to manage.

And it freaks me out.

Of course this is just jitters.  But still... its a scary prospect.

I have no doubt that I'm capable of doing what they need me to do.  When it comes to the keeping store running, lord knows I've been doing that forever.  Paperwork, organization, etc... I've been doing that for the last 10+ years.  And of course, there's the customer service aspect which, if I do say so myself, I'm one of the best at it.

No.  What freaks me out is the other stuff.

You know, I've spent so much of my time as an Assistant that it's hard to think of myself as anything other.  I've spent so much time anticipating the needs of my managers... making sure that they did everything they needed to do that the idea that the store will succeed or fail because of me... well that's a lot of pressure.

I'm very much under the microscope right now.  There are other Assistants in the district that have in their position with the company much longer than I have.  Like wise, in terms of numbers that the home office tracks... there are definitely others who do more than I do.  But for whatever reason, my DM decided on me.  AI need to make sure that her faith in me is justified.

The biggest thing that scares me is that I haven't had the chance to ease into this position.  I found out last Tuesday and less than a week later, here I am.  I wish I had the chance to know who I had and what I was walking into.  I wish I had the chance to make the changes to the store that I need to before going in as oppose to trying to make changes on the fly. 

Because of the lack of "transition", I don't know anything about who I'm working with.  I don't know their personalities... I don't know their work ethic.  I don't know who they really are.  It's one thing for the outgoing manager to tell me what she thinks... but that's not really an accurate picture.  It gives me an idea but it's a tainted point of view. 

But what if my staff collapses on it self?  What if they don't except my position?  I'd hate to think that they shut down and don't perform or sabotage me.

On a minor note, it's so weird going someplace else.  You spend so much time doing something one way, then the next thing  you know, you have to retrain yourself.  For example, I'm so use to having the scanner on my right side... I instinctively reach for the scanner with my right hand... now it's on my left.  Of course, one can say "why don't you just move it?"  You've never seen under those counters.  It's a mess of wires and dust... one would have to try and unplug thing before you opened the store... but you'd need a couple of hours just to do it. 

Anyway, I'll do what I do and hope that it's enough.  I hope that my staff will work with me and be willing to change where they need to.  I've gotta stop thinking of the store as "their" store and start thinking of it as "my" store. 

Ugh... I know it's been awhile since I've written anything here.  I keep saying that I will but I never find the time or the energy to sit down and start writing.

Anyway... the Detroit Science Center.



This past Wednesday, I went to the Detroit Science Center for the first time in god-knows how many years...  I hadn't been there since before the remodel... and I went to see the Star Trek Exhibition.  It was fantastic.  I'm reminded why I love the series and my appreciation has grown even more now that I've been to the exhibit.  But what really got me was the DSC itself.

The DSC has always had a very special place in my heart.  It's a reminder of my youth (god, that makes me sound old) when I was... and I know it's hard to believe...  when I was a nerd.  Yes... growing up, I was a hardcore scholastic nerd.  As if I wasn't a walking stereotype already, here I was having a love for science.  I remember growing up wanting to be a scientist... and/or an archaeologist.  I wanted to discover dinosaur bones.

And my love for science went as far my junior year in high school.  It was during that time that I joined the drama club... started thinking outside of the box... and fell off of the science bandwagon.

But science still had a corner of my heart.

And that's why the Detroit Science Center is so important to me.  I remember going to the Center and being in awe of the place.  The hands-on experiments... the exhibits... the space capsule... the DSC was/is the place that connects me to my youth.

I remember going to the DSC when they had their Dinosaur exhibit.  Just outside of the building, they had animatronic dinosaurs.  The big names were there represented: Triceratops.  Tyrannosaurs, Ankylosaurs, etc.  I remember marveling at the dinos... wishing that I had my own dino.  Inside the building, there were a few dino-themed hands on exhibits like seeing actual dino fossils... learning some of the techniques used to dig up fossils, etc.

My favorite exhibit, not surprisingly, was the Marvel Super Heroes exhibit.  I whole superhero theme.  The hands-on exhibits revolved around possible real-world examples of super feats.  For example, I remember reading the displays about ants and their ability to carry extremely more than their body weight... stuff like that.

My most vivid memory surrounding the DSC did not actually involve any exhibits.  It was a couple years back and it was the re-opening weekend for the DSC.  They had spent a massive amount of money getting the place remodeled... tearing down a lot of the old structure while, at the same time, keeping some of the things that made the DSC the DSC (like the lighted escalator leading to the IMAX).  It was a big deal and they were having a free weekend.  Anyone that went could get into the DSC for free.  I had to go.  It was important for me to go.  The place held so many good memories for me that I had to be there that opening weekend.  So I remember asking my friend if she wanted to join me.  That place was so important to me that I wanted to share my experience with someone... one of my closest friends.  So plans were made and the day came.  And I remember waiting... and waiting.  Our planned departure time came and went.  I was waiting on my friend.  Despite the fact that she made plans with me, she was doing something else that day but didn't get in touch with me to let me know how late she'd be.  Eventually she did get in touch with me and we left to go to the DSC (only a few hours later than planned).  But, by the time we got to the DSC, they had closed the line because there were just too many people waiting to get in.  I missed my chance to experience the DSC on the first day.

I was crushed.  I was hurt.  I remember thinking that had my friend called me and told me she would be late, I could have made other arrangements and made it in time.  I remember being so... not mad at my friend.  But I was hurt beyond all words.  This was something that was so important to me and because she wasn't considerate enough to let me know she'd be late, I was denied experiencing it.

I remember walking around the cultural center area with my friend trying to salvage something of that day.  But the experience was lost to me.  And to make matters worse, my friend had gone to the DSC the night before because her and some of her cousins went to an all-night party being held there.  WTF!!!!  If I were the crying type, I would have bawled right there.  But instead, being who I was, I let it stay in me... trying not to let the hurt show.  But in my mind, I couldn't understand why this was happening.  She denied me the opportunity to experience this sacred thing to me and she also had the nerve to go the night before and see it for herself.  How, I thought to myself, does this make any sense?  The DSC wasn't as important to her.

I hadn't been to the DSC since that day.  It felt wrong to go because I didn't go that first day.  The Star Trek exhibit is the first time I'd been there since before the remodel.

And I realize how much I missed it.  I'll never be a science nerd again.  But it reminds me of who I was.  And it give me a renewed perspective on life.  It's cheesy but thinking about the world with a scientific eye... the world is so intricate... using science to understand the micro... you can't help but appreciate the whole of it's being.. the macro experience.  Yeah, it's interesting looking at the world through an artist's eye... but you truly don't understand the world until you see it from the eyes of a scientist.

P.S.  I've never been one to hold grudges.  The person I went with that day and I are still great friends... although I don't know if she truly knows how much it hurt that day.  Hell, if not for the fact that I just wrote about it, she'd never have known.  I wrote about it because, well, this blog was about the memories I had associated with the Detroit Science Center and, good or ill, that day is associate with that building.  So, apologies to my friend.  I hope this doesn't offend in any way.

I've been neglecting my blog.  I'm aware of it.  And while I can come up with a multitude of reasons they are nothing more than shallow excuses.  Truthfully, it's because I didn't know (and, quite honestly, still don't know) how to articulate what's been on my mind.

It's a little over a month now on the plus side of 31... and, of course, it's always during birthday time that I find myself thinking about things.  Life... love... etc etc.  So it's really no surprise that the same thing happened again.

What's the mark of happiness?  Okay... it's sort of a rhetorical question.  Obviously that answer is different for many people.  But what about in a general sense?  Is there something that we, as a people, seek out to qualify our happiness?

I ask this because for the first time in my 31 years of existence, I honestly don't know.  Had you asked me 2 months ago, I would have told you with confidence that I was happy.  As happy as anyone can be.  How could I not be?  I have my job... my family... my friends.  But now... I'm not so sure.

I'm 31  years old.  I live back at home... I'm not in a relationship (and haven't been in one in almost 10 years)... I'm up to my eyeballs in debt... I use to be able to say that I was happy and proud working in retail.  I don't care what anyone says, retail is hard if you want to do it right.  And I was proud of the work I was doing... knowing that I was one of the best at it.  But now, I'm not so sure.  I'm not so sure about anything.

I was out with my mom a couple of weeks ago and she asked me (while we were at the mall no less) what I planned on doing with my life.  That's a heavy question to ask a person while your walking through the aisles of Macy's.  And while I understood her concern and why she was asking, it put me on pause because it made me ask myself: was there something I wasn't doing?  Was there something I was missing that I was suppose to be doing?

The weekend of my birthday, while I was hanging out with some friends, the question came up: what was I looking for?  Somehow the topic of my relationships (or lack-there-of in this instance) came up and they wanted to know.  And so I wondered: was there something/someone I was looking for?

Despite the birth of my niece who I love and adore and am very excited to get to know, I don't know if I'm happy right now.  Hell... I'm not even sure anymore if I ever was.

I look out and see my friends working their careers... getting married... starting a family and I know I'm not envious of those things.  But at the same time I don't feel anything.

When did I get so numb?

I haven't written in this blog consistently for awhile.  And I realize its because I lacked the ability to articulate what I wanted to say.  I'm numb.  I'm missing a spark.  I'm missing passion.  I'm missing inspiration.  I realize I haven't been creative in a long time.  Part of me says that I need to just do it... discipline myself to creating.  But the pencil is too heavy... the keyboard too... see, I lack the ability to even create a suitable metaphor.

I want to be happy... to experience true happiness.  I'm just not sure how.

I was going to wait until the morning to blog about this but it just couldn't wait.  I was going to write a review for UNDERWORLD today but I guess that will have to be put on the back burner.  Something else came up.

Welcome, ABIGAIL CARMEN GUIAO.

My niece was born yesterday, February 18, at 6:14 pm at St. John.  She enters the world at 20 in. long and a healthy 7 lbs. 9 oz. in weight.




This is Abby... as she looked... the first time I met her.

( More on Abby )

According to the handy-dandy reminder on the Livejournal home page... I haven't posted anything up here in about 3 weeks.  Oops.. And honestly, tonight won't be the night I change that significantly.  It's late and I want to go to bed.  But here are some things that I will be covering in the next few days:

-my ski trip (with pictures)
-my birthday (no pictures)
-movie review: Underworld
-movie review: My Bloody Valentine 3d
-movie review: Friday the 13th
-musings about life and love

Today is a historic and important day.

Inauguration.

And with all of this talk of inauguration, it's got me thinking.  What does it matter?

Allow me to clarify.  While I admit I haven't been following much of the news (neither print nor television), what I have managed to catch always focused on one thing: this historic occasion where a black man has becomes the President of the United States.  To that I say: WHO GIVES  A DAMN!

Why does everyone put such importance on his "color"/heritage?  Why does anyone in general put so much emphasis on color/heritage?  What does me being Filipino have anything to do with my ability to, say... manage my store? or to do art? or anything else that can only be judged by one's ability not skintone?

There's a part of me that understands... historically speaking the black population (as well as almost any minority group) has had to put up with a lot of shit... being treated less than human.  I get that... I understand that.  But when will we stop seeing people as colors? 

I'm not asking that we all become homogenized.  Nor am I suggesting we forget where we came from or our history.  But the fact is too much emphasis has been placed on the color of one's skin and it's that constant focus that never allows any of us to move past things.  So many people have lost their lives because they didn't have the right color skin.  Why, then, do we insist on making that such a focal point?  It seems more like, instead of trying to get past it, we instead are saying "Naw Naw!!!  Who's in power now, bitches!"

I didn't not vote for Obama because the change I wanted was, instead of white man in office I want a black man.  No... I voted for Obama because I felt he had the right stuff to do the job.  I could give two shits that he's black.  What I care about is that we won't, as a people, get bent over and fucked up the ass without lube any more.

I hope people judge me based on me... my ability... who I am... and NOT because I happen to be Filipino.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

You would think with all this vaunted technology, one would be able to record a simple TV program properly.  BUT NOOOOOOO....  something happens that it throws off scheduling and no matter how much you try to anticipate, the show that you have waited for the better part of a month gets CUT OFF!!!!

Who do I have to blame for this?  I hear Bush had some sort of speech.  Yet another reason for me to hate him.  He kept me from watching my CSI properly.  That BASTARD!!!!  Now I have to wait for it to pop up on hulu or something.  Dammit... this was the final episode feature Grissom, too. 

ARGH!!!!  Why can't DVRs compensate for the shifting in schedule.

I love the snow.  No... not driving in it.  I could do without that.  I don't like having to clean off my car or driving and worrying that some idiot might not remember how to drive.  No... I just love the snow.

Over the last few weeks, Michigan has finally decided to follow the seasons and we've been getting snow up the wazzoo.  Which, if I didn't have to drive in it, is very cool (pardon the pun).

I'm not sure what it is about the snow.  Something about it gives me the warm fuzzies. 

I love it when it snows in the evening.  Especially when there is so much snow on the ground that it reflects any light and it actually brightens up the darkness. 

I remember while growing up...  although I always looked forward to it snowing so hard we had a snow day off of school, what I loved was waking up early in the morning on Saturday to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons and looking out of the window and seeing the world blanketed in snow... untouched because, well, what crazy person would be out at 6-7 in the morning?

Another time, when I was in high school, I went up north with my girlfriend at the time and some friends.  One of our friends had a condo.  Being that it was up up north, the place was COVERED in snow... We are talking about streets lined up with FEET of snow that have plowed.  I remember waking up early in the morning before anyone was awake and staring outside.  The branches of the trees covered in white....and a deer making its way across the snow.  Despite how cold it was, I remember going outside and looking up at the stars.  Being so far up north, there were no city lights to dim the stars.  And the sky was so clear.  I remember wanting to count each and every star.  I marveled at the all of the shooting stars... the different size stars... and the different intensities.  I wish I could go back up there and see it again.

And in the next few weeks, I'm going on my very first ski trip.  Which should prove very interesting.  We'll see just how much I love the snow.... let's hope my love for the snow doesn't end up biting me in the ass.

Just a quick one wishing everyone a Happy Holiday.  Be safe.

It's about 9:30 pm on a Friday.  In an odd and rare occasion, I'm actually not going out tonight.  But sitting at home, trying to get work done, and I've been hit by this overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness.

I was washing my hands in the upstairs bathroom and I looked out the door at the bottom landing... and I miss Shadow.  I wanted to call out his name.  I wanted to see him standing at the bottom landing looking up at me, tongue out and panting.  I went downstairs to prepare something to eat for myself and looked over at where he would usually lie... and it felt so empty... he wasn't there waiting.

I was talking to my sister about it...  it doesn't feel the same... the holidays, that is, without Shadow.  Thanksgiving seemed... lacking.  And I really don't feel much like celebrating Christmas.  13 years.  Every year, we got him a new toy.  We wrapped it.  And when he saw us opening our presents, he was waiting nearby, waiting for his present.  He knew he had one coming.  And we would give him his present and help him tear into it.  And he happily took it and played with it... if only for that one night.  Then he'd grow tired of it... but still, he enjoyed unwrapping his presents too.

13 years.

My sister mentioned it but I feel the same way... I wish Abigail had the chance to meet Shadow.  They would have been great friends.